Domestic Violence: Key Points

 

• Ways in Which a Person May be Victimized

• Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

Ways in Which a Person May be Victimized

Emotional Abuse

• Telling the victim’s family or friends lies about her

• Belittling, embarrassing, or humiliating her in front of family and friends

• Making her feel guilty for all the problems in the family

• Accusing her of trying to attract or of sleeping with other people
   

Economic Abuse

• Preventing her from getting or keeping a job

• Forcing her to work "under the table" when she does not have a work permit or
  threatening to report her for working illegally

• Preventing her from obtaining job training or schooling

• Forcing her to sign papers that she does not understand, including legal documents

• Requiring her to ask for money or taking the money she has earned

• Preventing access to bank accounts or other income

• Not filing papers in order for her to gain legal or working status in the country
   

Intimidation

• Making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures

• Destroying property, including items with special meaning to her or the children

• Abusing pets

• Displaying or past use of weapons

• Hiding or destroying important papers, including health care cards, driver's license,
  passport, or immigration papers
   

Coercion and Threats

• Making or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her, her children, friends, or family members

• Threatening to harm or harass her employer or co-workers

• Threatening to leave her or to commit suicide if she leaves

• Threatening to withdraw immigration papers that legalize her residency or report her

• undocumented status to the authorities

• Threatening to take the children away or out of the country

• Threatening to make her look crazy and like she is a bad parent by calling police, children’s services, or a psychiatrist about her if she tells anyone about the abuse
   

Isolation

• Controlling what she does, who she sees, what she reads, and where she goes

• Limiting her involvement outside the home

• Not allowing her to learn English or keeping her from friends or family who speak her language

• Using jealousy to justify actions

• Not permitting her to partake in activities that are important to her
   

Minimizing, Denying & Blaming

• Making light of abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously

• Denying that the abuse is happening

• Shifting responsibility for the abusive behavior

• Saying she caused the violence
   

Effects of Domestic Violence on Children 

Emotional

• Feeling guilty for the abuse and for not stopping it

• Grieving for family and personal losses

• Confusion regarding conflicting feelings toward the parents

• Fearful of abandonment, expressing feelings, the unknown, or of personal injury

• Angry about the violence and the chaos in their lives

• Depressed, feeling helpless and powerless

• Embarrassed about events and dynamics at home
   

Cognitive

• Believe they are responsible for the violence

• Blame others for their own behaviors

• Believe that it is acceptable to hit people they care for to get what they want, to express

• their anger, to feel powerful, or to get others to meet their needs

• Have a low self concept originating from a sense of family powerlessness

• Do not ask for what they need, let alone what they want

• Do not trust

• Feeling angry is bad, because people get hurt

• Rigid stereotypes, for example to be a boy means...to be a girl means. .to be a man, woman, husband, wife means
   

Behavioral (often seen in opposite extremes)

• Act out vs. withdraw

• Overachiever vs. underachiever

• Refusal to go to school

• Caretaking, more concern for others than self - parent substitute

• Aggressive vs. passive

• Rigid defenses (aloof, sarcastic, defensive, "black and white thinking")

• Excessive attention seeking (often using extreme behaviors)

• Bedwetting and nightmares

• Out of control behavior, not able to set own limits or follow directions
   

Social

• Isolated from friends and relatives

• Relationships are frequently stormy, start intensely and end abruptly

• Difficulty in trusting, especially adults

• Poor conflict resolution and anger management skills

• Excessive social involvement (to avoid home life)

• May be passive with peers, or bully peers

• Engage in exploitive relationships either as perpetrator or victim

• Play with peers gets exceedingly rough
   

Physical

• Somatic complaints (headaches, stomachaches)

• Nervous, anxious and a short attention span

• Tired, lethargic

• Frequently ill

• Poor personal hygiene

• Regression in development tasks (bedwetting, thumb sucking - depending on age)

• Desensitization to pain

• High risk play and activities

• Self abuse