Depression
The Black Dog of Depression
Often
overlooked and seldom detected, even by our close friends,
this monster skulks amongst us daily. It is attracted to
those susceptible to its influence, into whom it burrows
like a worm, while normal people suffer nothing more than an
occasional glancing blow.
Churchill called it his “Black Dog” and kept it at bay with
copious amounts of Brandy and distractions such as the Boer,
the First and Second World Wars. It quietly envelopes the
susceptible with the illusion of a warm blanket on a cold
evening before constricting and lowering its leaden
unyielding weight. I am talking about the big “D,”
depression. \
Trying to explain what depression is to someone who does not
suffer from it, is like trying to explain the space time
continuum to a toddler. Sure there are words we hear to
which we nod wisely when we hear them as if we understand.
Maybe we read them in a book, heard them on Oprah, but we
can’t truly share the space of the sufferer; depression is a
personal, insidious, opportunistic disease. Its complexity
is individual; its power at times absolute, it is near
impossible to explain. It imparts mind sheering anxiety and
a feeling of utter and complete hopelessness on the
sufferer. Even therapists and psychiatrists have a hard time
getting their heads around it. That’s why they have thick
prescription pads.
Depression has been described as a large wet carpet draped
over ones body. It’s impossible to move with it; harder to
remove it. Sometimes the only solution is to go with it and
lie down - stay in bed. Fighting depression can be a futile
and infuriating action and rarely works except to increase
its intensity. Depression, like an enemy in warfare, is best
dealt with at a distance and by avoidance.
True depression can be fatal; a natural born killer if left
unattended. Leaving someone who you know is in an episode of
severe depression alone may be the last time you see them
alive. Trouble is you never know what’s going on in their
minds, how severe it is, or if indeed they’re depressed at
all. They’ll rarely tell you. Generally you learn to notice
through their behavior or body language. You’ll develop a
nose for it, if you care to.
People who have severe depression rarely see themselves as
victims, though many do struggle in the quicksand of self
pity without truly understanding why. Rather they see
themselves as the cause of their problems and therein lies
the rub. A depressive’s universe is torture by a thousand
cuts as the whirlwind of the disease swirls around the
afflicted, reinforcing negative thoughts that assemble to
become a harsh - authentic - reality in their minds.
Depression magnifies the perceived cause of the negativity
or life problems completely out of proportion, as if viewing
a speck of dust through an electron microscope. The
depressed can feel completely alone in a crowded room. They
feel isolated; isolation is their bedfellow. Indeed bed is
where they retreat to hide in the hope that depression will
forget them and leave them alone. Eventually it does. And
when it does the sufferer must act quickly to stave off the
next onslaught.
What helps? Martin Luther King Jr told us that the best 10
cures for depression are “do something for someone less
fortunate. Repeat that nine more times.” Good advice.
Deep melancholy can last from days to months. It can wax and
wane like an irregular and unpredictable tide. Its severity
can eviscerate the minds and souls of those who have it and
those who live with the suffering – it’s merciless, intense
and its effects cumulative for all concerned.
At times it can drive the sick insane - to the brink of
suicide; to a point where suicide as an option is perfectly
logical in the mind of the sufferer. They’re convinced
absolutely, that ending their life makes perfect sense. For
example, they believe that their family would be better off
without them; that the pain is too much to deal with; that
there is no purpose in living – there are a hundred
variations. It can be like a light bulb of realization going
off. It makes perfect sense.
Sometimes - rarely - there are a number of indicators of a
terminal decision. Subtle signs such as giving away personal
property; a sudden change from melancholia to calm; a
tidying of affairs. An intervention helps as it buys time;
time for the mind to re-address its warped logic.
Whether they push beyond the brink and commit suicide is
only determined by results. If they’re alive, they didn’t go
through with it. In simple terms, given time the mind will
turn the thought around and the instinct of
self-preservation returns and they go on to live another
day. About 30,000 people commit suicide in the US annually
for various reasons many stoked by depression, which, in
case you haven’t already figured out, is a mental illness.
Older white males are the leaders in succeeding at suicide
while white females attempt suicide the most often, most
times unsuccessfully. Perhaps the availably of means is why
men have a higher success rate.
Why do people with severe depression stay alone? Many
reasons; mainly it’s a coping mechanism. Sometimes it’s to
avoid the plethora of advice from the amateur psychiatrists
that fill the world who cheerily advise “oh, just shake it
off…go for a walk…mind over matter…fight it, man,
fight!...you’re letting it get the better of you…you’re
weak.” There is a simple two word response to these pieces
of advice and the second of the words is “off.” To a
depressed person the advice – while well meaning - only
increases they’re own feeling of worthlessness.
Medication can help. It is, I believe, the unmonitored
medication of depression that leads down another fatal path,
the path of addiction. Booze, pot ‘n pills, all work, albeit
temporarily, to alleviate the symptoms of depression. The
mind figures “if it worked last night, let’s do it again
tonight, and tomorrow.” And you’re hooked. Alcoholism -
addiction - in time intensifies the depressive cycle –
drinking to fight depression; depressed because you drink,
both chemically and emotionally. On and on – an initially
unconscious but vicious cycle.
The few who succeed in getting out of this addictive cycle
can enjoy a newfound method of harnessing, anticipating and,
to some degree, controlling depression. A 12 step program
promotes three key components; belief in a higher power
(thus giving purpose to life); advice to help someone less
fortunate (purpose and measurable outcome promoting self
worth) and enforced humility by tidying up the past through
facing past problems squarely and making amends for harms
done (responsibility). Effective. Not bad advice for regular
folks too. If we all did it the world might be a better
place. Therapy and exercise are a key component in recovery
as is prescribed non-addictive medication if needed. To
work, the recovery tools are a life long daily process.
Sometimes the dog slips its leash and bites again. It
happens.
Next time you’re feeling blue and you wonder if you know how
it feels to be truly depressed, you are as likely to be
right as a person with a head-cold when comparing their
symptoms to a person with terminal cancer.
If you want to help, be a friend, shut up and make them a
cup of coffee. Oh, telling them you love them helps too. As
does a hug.
And don't
judge.
Evin Daly.
edaly@abusewatch.net